To recap: today is Friday the 13th and we are celebrating with a competition.
There will be a prize for an apposite Gashlycrumb-style rhyme, winner to be decided by me, of course. So come on, folks! Send ‘em in.
The rules of the competition are:
You write a rhyme. Send it in by email or into the comments, depending how public you want to be. Email is in the sidebar. You have till noon on Saturday 14th (when it stops being Friday the 13th and becomes Valentines Day (and let that be an inspiration to you).
Seriously, if you do need inspiration – we don’t want anything too inanely derivative, of course, but the complete Gashlycrumb Tinies is here. And there is an excellent and poignant critique of it by Tom Lubbock here.
The prize itself will be announced when I have thought of it, but it will be a good one.
That will be all.
10 Comments
February 13, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Just for fun, right? Prolly ‘inanely derivative’, but there you go, that’s the limit of the rhythm.
A is for Alex who always forgets
B is for Barbie whose job is perplexed
C is for Charles who isn’t but is
D is for Dáire who fiddled with fizz
E is for Éimear who wrote ‘Evermore’
F is for Finbar who flashed at the door
G is for Gwionnie who loves anaglypta
H is for Hugo a horrible stripper
I is for Irene and all her good nights
J is for Jenny who wears natty tights
K is for Kingsley whose aim is to poo
L is for Liane who is stuck in the glue
M is for Martin who likes evolution
N is for Noel who’s fighting pollution
O is for Ollie a Cromwell believer
P is for Polly an old kettle thiever
Q is for Queenie whose voice is so shrill
R is for Roger who lacks any skill
S is for Sinéad just a baby at heart
T is for Tommy a rug-rat who farts
U is for Ulick an old Irish codger
V is for Vicky who likes the odd todger
W is for Will a master of blurb
X is for Xena who squished all the curds
Y is for Yvonne who craves a mars bar
Z is for Zelda who just crashed the car
February 13, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Barbara, Barbara, Barbara. You are a star.
I’m sadly disappointed in the others so far: I’d love to see what any number of my ever so cleverclogs readers might come up with on this one!
Well, with luck you are the start of the popcorn popping. I’ll start planning the prize.
February 13, 2009 at 5:30 pm
here goes!
A is for Adam afraid of the dark
B is for Bob in the shadowy park
C is for Chrissie who doesn’t like heights
D is for David with no sense of sight
E is for Emma who pulls out her hair
F is for Freddie to hides under stairs
G is for Gordon who can’t face his Dad
H is for Harry whose bedroom is sad
I is for Ivy without any friends
J is for Joe who has slipped round the bend
K is for Kitty who slashes her wrists
L is for Larry who understands fists
M is for Michael who can’t take small spaces
N is for Nick who can’t tie his own laces
O is for Olive who thinks thoughts out loud
P is for Peter who faints in a crowd
Q is for Quincy who dreams of cadavers
R is for Rick who peeks over covers
S is for Sue who is stalked by her Saviour
T is for Terry who’s scared of Fantasia
U is for Una who only wears black
V is for Vicky with scars on her back
W is for Wendy who lives in her head
X is for Xavier who fears his own bed
Y is for Yvonne who says not a word
Z is for Zak who screams are not heard
February 13, 2009 at 5:54 pm
H’m. You knew I’d have to have a go, didn’t you?
A is for Aaron who fell for a ghost
B is for Beatrice who burned with her toast
C is for Calum who ate too much grain
D is for D’arcy, sucked down a drain
E is for Earnest who swallowed his pen
F is for Frieda who did it AGAIN!
G is for Gerald who saved his last goal
H is for Haley who followed a mole
I is for Ian who died in a dream
J is for Jilly, drowned in ice cream
K is for Kate who got stabbed by a cook
L is for Lilith, brained by a book
M is for Maurice, gone under a bus
N is for Nan who went looking for puss
O is for Olwyn who entered a sty
P is for Philip who ate a bad pie
Q is for Quentin who leaned out too far
R is for Robert who fell in hot tar
S is for Susan who hid in the boot
T is for Tarquin who met with a brute
U is for Una, shot by a rube
V is for Vince who got lost in the Tube
W is for Wendy, locked in her House
X is for Xena, mistaken for grouse
Y is for Yuri who caught a bad dose
Z is for Zena whose end was too gross.
February 13, 2009 at 6:55 pm
PITT RIVERS MUSEUM
Stuffed alpine lion, a scalp in its claws
Beartrap rejiggered for working indoors
Caskful of rum used to pickle a head
Two dozen hummingbirds poisoned with lead
Exceptional quality thumbscrew and key
Flint axe from a pile of human debris
Grave-goods: a rattle, a clasp and a toy
Hittite kazoo designed just to annoy
Indigo butterfly pinned to a board
Charles Darwin’s jokebook which won an award
Ku Klux Klan mask with the eyeholes sewn shut
Lopsided ploughshare for ploughing a rut
Test-tube of mud from the murderer’s lawn
Newt-poison blowdart tipped off with a thorn
Opals replacing the eyes in a skull
A black seal penis cut off in the cull
Six quarts of mare’s milk fermented and stored
Prayer tablets read by the Gods and ignored
Shoes from a peat-bog with fossilised lace
Halves of a toadstone, the toad still in place
Map of a territory long underwater
Bones of a Viking, his dog and his daughter
Wasp-nest they found in the eaves of a church
Xylophone ribcage removed for research
Brokendown compass which yearns for the South
Zinc teeth for the sabretooth gone in the mouth
February 13, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Hello! I have been following this blog for ages but this is my first comment — and it’s in Scots, just to be difficult. Lovely idea by the way! Here goes…
Wee Ally — ken him? He wes snatched o’ the Mile,
an Bernard wes awways a sickly wee chile.
Ye ken Catriona? She fell doon a chute,
an Desmond got killt tryin’ tae shoogle her oot!
Eddie — wee bastart — nickt off wi ma car!
He an Flo took it bit didnae git far –
Gordon wes footerin aboot in the road,
an he (an wee Herbert) wes squasht like a toad!
Aye, yon Ian daftie got drownt in some muck,
an Jennie fae Peebles wes hit by a truck –
Maureen got let oot tae play by her Ma,
bit she an wee Nadine fuckt off in the haar.
Olive got dizzy an fell doon the stair,
an the tale wes the same fer wee Paul fae Traquair.
Queenie had glasses, they stuck in her een,
an Rosie got stranglet, the paur bloody quean!
Sammy fae Hawick fell oot o his pram,
an his big brother Tommy, he liked a wee dram…
Ye ken when it floodet? Una couldnae float –
an Violet caught flu fae bein oot in a boat.
Willie wes born wi a clot in his heart,
an’ Xander’s jist stopped — aw because he wes feart!
Yasmin ran aff — well, she awways wes flitty –
an ye ken aboot Zoe. Aye, ken… it’s a pity!
Cheers!
Claire x
February 14, 2009 at 7:19 am
[...] 14, 2009 at 12:19 pm (other news) Katy Evans-Bush is running a competition over at Baroque in Hackney, referencing Edward Gorey’s Gashlycrumb [...]
February 14, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Dear Katy,
What a gorgeous idea – spotted it a bit late to do it justice (more competitions please??)!
The following isn’t quite on the same model, but you did imply that that could be departed from (no real poets intended, by the way!):
Death by Poetry
Ann had an Accent inclined to provoke
Bill was Byronic and also Baroque
Cath had Caesuras which gave her some trouble
Dan had Diaeresis – his Dactyls were double
Ed was short-sighted, his Eye-rhymes corneal
Fred had bad Feet and his Form was surreal
George just wrote Georgics but they were fantastic
Hal’s mock-Heroics were quite Hudibrastic
Ike was bone Idyll, his rhymes all Internal
Jay was a Jongleur whose work was infernal
Ken favoured Kennings until he got shingles
Lynne Lay in bed and Lamented her jingles
Moll had no money to put in the Meter
Nick’s rhymes were Nursery and some sickly-sweeter
Oz had a yen for the Oxymoronic
(Pat was Paradoxical and always wrote Prose)
Quinn was the man for a quirky Quatrain
Roger, a rascal, who couldn’t Refrain
Sue had depression and suffered from Stress
Ted, high on Trope, had poetic block, bless!
U wrote Utopian, it couldn’t be worse
Val was an odist who wasn’t aVerse
Will was a Wordsmith, produced rampant reams
X was a bard who Xcelled in Xtremes
Yves knew a rhYme-word for silver and creditor
Zak went for Zeugma and also his editor!
Happy St. Valentine’s Day!
Gel
February 14, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Great to see I’m not alone… love Claire’s… & John’s & Mark’s & Simon’s – I don’t envy you your job, Ms B!
February 14, 2009 at 3:03 pm
A is for Hackney that’s where I reside
B is for butters, my bit on the side
C is for Kaffy who works in the caff
D is for Daren, decidedly naff
E is for E the drug of my choice
F is for FUCK that’s the sound of my voice
G is for gurning a shape of my boat
H is for hoarse, the state of my throat
I is for Inglish, as she is spoke
J is for Julie, I’d give her a poke
K is for krumpet if you know what I mean
L is for lolling and liking the queen
M is for Munchin, home of the kraut
N if nonsense, the suff that I spout
O is for horrible, how I look in my vest
P is for phlegm, sat on my chest
Q is for queer, I abuse now and then
R is for Ronnie, the prince among men
S is for Spurs and spiting the Arse
T is for tragedy, moving to farce
U is for Us and not you or you
V is for the, I’m deffo on that
W is for wanker you tosser, you prat
X is my signature
And Y my life
Z is the end
Forged with my knife.